My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
