cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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