Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
