Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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