i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
