you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
