Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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