pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
