My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
