i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
