You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
