On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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