i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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