you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
