Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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