i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize