If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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