Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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