Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
