I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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