did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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