did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
