He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
