So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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