so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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