you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
