Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
