the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
