Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
