I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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