dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't deserve a penis
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."