Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.