i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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