no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
