we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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