I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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