i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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