She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.