What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration