Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r

Replies (1) Good night (1501) Bad night (450)
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(650): View more from California

Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.

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(650): Not a fireman, but good enough for last night. http://tfl.nu/537l

Replies (2) Good night (930) Bad night (447)
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(212): View more from New York

Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

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(212): Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right. http://tfl.nu/eck5

Replies (8) Good night (5395) Bad night (832)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

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(724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw

Replies (24) Good night (8718) Bad night (1531)
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(214): View more from Texas

So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.

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(214): So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5. http://tfl.nu/y0zl

Replies (9) Good night (5296) Bad night (826)
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(231): View more from Michigan

P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.

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(231): P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles. http://tfl.nu/wlbn

Replies (14) Good night (2759) Bad night (977)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.

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(708): Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail. http://tfl.nu/vicx

Replies (6) Good night (2565) Bad night (985)
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(925): View more from California

Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

(1-925): View more from California

If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

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(925): Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often. (1-925): If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/t59l

Replies (1) Good night (1548) Bad night (737)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning

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(808): I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning http://tfl.nu/745i

Replies (8) Good night (707) Bad night (2394)
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(419): View more from Ohio

He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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(419): He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk.. http://tfl.nu/th8z

Replies (12) Good night (2671) Bad night (564)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.

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(503): My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again. http://tfl.nu/bmoz

Replies (7) Good night (1315) Bad night (383)
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(805): View more from California

Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"

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(805): Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out" http://tfl.nu/3yx5

Replies (7) Good night (582) Bad night (1057)
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(561): View more from Florida

I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

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(561): I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face. http://tfl.nu/v359

Replies (6) Good night (349) Bad night (597)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him

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(617): We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him http://tfl.nu/mgdf

Replies (8) Good night (646) Bad night (482)
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(710): View more from

my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking

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(710): my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking http://tfl.nu/zpwa

Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (190)

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