seriously i just wanna be friends
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.