So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
