if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet