Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something