No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE