I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.