he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with