turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
