Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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