he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
