My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
