If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
