I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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