You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
