I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
