did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
