So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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