What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
