didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
