the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
