And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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