He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
