I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
