She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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