I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
