Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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