It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
