I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
