Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
