i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
