please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
